like feet of deer

Lately I feel like I have been running around with my head cut off.  I seem to have forgotten which way I am going, and what needs done.  Our schedule this month has been anything but normal.  When the month of April is over, we will have celebrated Princess T's 6th birthday, been out of town as a family two times, seen daddy go out of town 2 times, and Professor and I have had a getaway.  On top of this, my sweet grandma's stress fracture still has not completely healed and so I have been taking her to all her appointments AND (in case that was not enough) my mom had knee replacement surgery (unfortunately I have not been as much help as I would have liked to be - but I have tried very heard to do whatever I can whenever I can).  Needless to say I am starring the last week of April in the face and have no clue how I got here or where the beginning part went.  My house is a disaster, the kids are behind in school (not by much, but still not exactly where I would like to be at this point).  I feel behind in every area of my life and so say I am discouraged about it would be a understatement.  


This morning, I woke up with a horrible headache, which led to me leaving church immediately following LifeGroup and sleeping the whole afternoon.  I feel better (sort of) but worse at the same time.  See, God is moving big time at our church and this morning in Worship HE WAS THERE!!!!!  AND I MISSED IT!!!!  I missed seeing HIM at work!!  Stupid sinuses!!!  I think I might have to cut them out!  On top of that I am awake at 2:45 am, with no hope of sleep anytime soon.  So even though I needed that nap this afternoon, there were consequences!!  


As I laid in bed trying to sleep my mind kept thinking about what had happened at church this morning and how God has placed our family at Colonial Heights for a reason and how thankful I am that HE chose us to be a part of HIS work at CH.  I am not worthy of it all.  I am totally undeserving of it.  In fact, sometimes I think God must be crazy when He looks at me and still chooses to love me and use me to complete His plans here on earth.  I mean, I can't even keep it together when life gets crazy!!  


There are few times when I have felt that God was keeping me awake for a reason and tonight is one.  See, after all these thoughts, I had another one.  In craziness of April, I had neglected the most important thing.  I had decided to be in control and totally pushed God out of His place in my life.  Right there in bed God just comforted me and told me He forgave me but it needed to change.  He wants His place back.  So, I got out of bed and came to the couch.  I began reading in the New Testament (mainly because I am behind on the reading plan our church is doing) and in my head I just kept thinking about Habakkuk.  See, earlier this week, the kids and I learned about Habakkuk and his role in Biblical History and while learning about him I realized I had maybe only read his book once and probably needed to read it again (of course because we are busy I didn't).  So, I flipped over to Habakkuk and began to read.  


Before I say anything else, you need to know. Habakkuk lived in a horrible time. He lived around the time King Josiah was reigning and right before Babylon took over Judah.  People all around him were evil and choosing not to follow Christ.  God was about to allow Babylon to take over Judah as punishment for their disobedience.


Habakkuk starts out his book asking God why in the world God would allow him to see such horrible things.  God comforts him and tells him to be patient, that in time it would end and things would get better.  (Please keep in mind this my paraphrase - for specific wording you can read Habakkuk in your Bible).  By the end of Habakkuk, he is choosing the trust God and he acknowledges that God is all powerful and can do whatever He wants.  Then he writes these verses at the very end....


Though the fig tree does not bud 
   and there are no grapes on the vines, 
though the olive crop fails 
   and the fields produce no food, 
though there are no sheep in the pen 
   and no cattle in the stalls, 
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, 
   I will be joyful in God my Savior.

 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
   He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
   He enables me to tread on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

WOW!!!  Did God know what I needed or what?!?!  Isn't He amazing.  He could have led me to read verses about bad things that happen when you disobey, but instead He reminded that He is Sovereign and that if I allow Him to be my strength, He will not only give it to me but He will allow me to step in confidence (like the feet of a deer) and He will lead me to the heights (my high places).  God is so good!  


Thanks for reading my incredibly long post.  I pray that it was an encouragement to you today (or whenever you read it).