Adoption Update

Many of my sweet friends have been asking me where we are in the process of adopting.  Nothing has really changed, other than things God has been revealing to us personally.  I wasn't going to do a post, however, in my time with the Lord last night praying for our child, He made is clear I need to share this.  So I am.  I am not sure why, but I know He has His way of doing things...So here it goes...

Where we are:

We are still waiting.  We know 100% God has called our family to grow through adoption.  When has not been determined.

Things we feel God has made clear:

• We are called to adopt. 
• We called to domestic adoption. 
• We are not called to international adoption. 
• We are to be open to whatever age/sex/race child God gives us, as long as they are the same age or younger than The Princess (which is currently 7).
• When it happens it will be fast/unexpected.
• Right now we are not supposed to go through an agency. (This does not mean we will not eventually, but God has not cleared us to begin paper work.  We are beginning to think this means He may be calling us to be open to a private adoption.)
• Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean He has shut a door.  Just when we get discouraged He puts someone in our path to encourage us.  We met a family this past week that felt called to adopt for 8 years before God gave them a child.  I also think about Abraham who waited for a long time before the child God promised was given. 
• Our child is not born yet.  (There are very few times I have heard God speak clearly to me and I know the other night when I could not sleep and was praying for our child He told me this!)
• We must be open to knowing the birth family and at least meeting them one time.  Maybe even be a part of the birth process with a mom.  (this is a definite calling, just God telling us to be open to this). 

Things you can do for us:

• PRAY!  Pray for the birth parents God will use and for the child He gives us.  Pray for protection physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  Pray for us that He will continue to guide us and make it clear exactly when and how He desires us to proceed. 

• Talk about us!  Please share these prayer requests with those you know.  And, if you know someone who is thinking about adoption as an alternative to abortion please tell them about us!  We are open to meeting with birth parents on a case by case situation.  Also, if you have any connects whatsoever to any child who is in need of a home, please make us aware of it. We would prefer that your connection not know our name and where we live until we agree to meet or talk with them. 

Thank you in advance for your prayers!  

Dear Johnathan

Dear Johnathan,

Tomorrow morning when you wake up you will be 10!  I will never forget that morning.  It was extremely early and I had been up all night very excited about finally getting to meet you.  You were born around 5 am and I will never forget that moment!  They put you in my arms and the world faded away.  For eight and half months you grew inside of me.  I had wondered what you would look like.  What color eyes would you have? What color hair? Would you have hair? How much would you weigh? Would you look like me, or your daddy?  But, there was no way I could ever prepare myself for the way I felt when I held you in my arms that first time.  You were perfect!  My heart was so full I felt it might just bust.   Later that day I remember being overwhelmed with the responsibility God had given me when He gave you to me.  See I was young.  I turned 22 a couple days after you were born.  Your daddy and I were still newlyweds figuring things out as a married couple, in seminary, poor as dirt.  I take my responsibility to love you and teach you what God desires for me to teach you very seriously.  Sometimes it still overwhelms me.  But, I want you to know this.  You have taught me so much.  God has used you to grow me up.  He has used you to teach me about how much He loves me.  He has used you to teach me what childlike faith looks like.  You are an amazing gift from God and I never want you to forget that.  God gave you to me and I will be forever thankful to Him. 

As I think about these past 10 years and the fact that you growing up in front of my eyes so fast I can hardly stand it, all I can think about is how blessed I am.  Since day 1 you have been a joyful, peaceful, loving child.  You were the baby that everyone wanted.  You slept through the night quickly, you didn't cry unless you had a reason, and you loved being held by anyone who wanted to hold and love on you.  As you have gotten older these qualities have just grown.  Now, as a ten year old, you are such a joy to be around.  Your sense of humor can make anyone laugh.  Your facial expressions alone are enough to make someone laugh so hard they will cry.  You are so sweet to everyone you meet.  You have been blessed with sweet friends of all ages and I love watching you with them.  You love wrestling, playing football, and anything else rough, but you know when to calm down.  You are usually the first to check on someone when they are hurt and you feel terrible if you are the reason they are hurt.  You love on younger boys that look up to you like I have never seen a boy your age do.  You encourage them and teach them things you know.  When your sister was born you took your responsibility of big brother seriously.  You protect her.  You take care of her.  You enjoy being with her and she looks up to you.  You are extremely smart and athletic.  You are just all around a great kid.   Oh and I can't forget the fact that you love pretty girls! ;) 

The thing I love most about you though is your desire to obey God.  You love learning about Him and His plan for you.  When you learn something new about how He desires you to live, you practice it.  I look forward to watching you continue to grow in your walk with Him.  I look forward to the years ahead as you move from boy to young man to man.  As much as I dread them because that means you will be grown, I am that much more excited about what God has for you. 

You are my favorite 10 year old and I will always love you!

~Mommy

Mr. Edward

It has been a while since I have posted.  There is not a day that passes that I do not think about my sweet grandma.  I am still reminding myself on a daily basis that she is no longer here.  She will not be calling to check on me and we will not be having lunch anytime soon.  As sad and depressing as that sounds as soon as those thought cross my mind they immediately shift to thoughts about her worshiping Jesus and loving on all the sweet babies and young children that friends of mine have lost over the years.  I think about the perfect body she has and all the sadness goes away.  How can I be sad?  Yes, I am sad for me, but not for her!

I also think a lot about the last month I had with her.  I have already written about Mrs. Louise and her impact on my life.  I want to share with about someone else who made a huge difference in my grandma's life by doing something that you and I would probably consider so small. 

Mr. Edward (I can not remember his last name) is sweet man in his 60's or 70's.  He has been working with St. Dominic's for almost his whole working career.  He is not a doctor.  He is not a nurse.  He is not a chaplain.  So what does he do you ask?  He transports people from the main hospital to the cancer center building.  Yep!  That's his job!  He would come in help move my grandma from her bed to wheelchair, wheel her to the van, drive across the street, and wheel her to the waiting room.  He has been doing this so long, that he remembered her from the first time she had cancer and she remembered him.  He was sweet and gentle with her frail little body.  He came in the room just whistling away to himself.  He would make sure the wheelchair had enough cushion and then he would move her over.  Once in the chair he would wrap her up in blanket so she wouldn't get cold.  Then, with a smile on his face he would wheel her to the van and get her situated.  He never really talked much, but you knew he loved what he did and that He loved Jesus! Grandma loved him.  The last day she had treatment while at the hospital she made sure we had a little gift to give him and she hugged and kissed on the cheek as he was leaving. 

So what did I learn from him?  Well, we have put so many levels on jobs these days.  I mean who really wants to have a job driving patients from one building to another all day long?!?!  However, Mr. Edward knew that is what God called him to do, so he did it amazingly!  He put into action exactly what it means to do everything unto to the Lord.  I pray that whatever God calls me to do, even if the world thinks its a little task, I will do it will all that is in me, as unto the Lord.

Ms. Louis

It is has been a little over a month now since my grandma went to be with Jesus.  I miss her a lot and find myself thinking a lot about her and memories I had with her.  There is a tiny part of me that is scared if I don't think about them, and write them down, then I will forget them, and I don't want that to happen.  One of the main things I think about is the last month she was with us.  I recount those days over and over in my head.  They were some challenging, but very special days.  I learned a lot and grew a lot in my walk with the Lord. One of things God keeps bringing to my mind are all the people who truly blessed my family during that time.  Of course our church family was amazing and loved on us like God had called them.  However, the people I think of most are the people I don't see anymore.  The doctors, nurses, and volunteers that prayed with us and invested in my grandma's life.  One lady in particular that I think about a lot is Ms. Louis.  Ms. Louis works at the cancer center as the pastoral care person.  Her whole job is to pray for and with those who are battling cancer.  She hangs out in the waiting room and talks with those who are going through one of the toughest battles in their life.  She wasn't there every day that we were there, but as soon as we would come in on the days she was there, she came right over and sat down and loved on all of us, especially grandma.  I think one of my favorite memories was of her and grandma talking about memories they had of snow (they both grew up around snow and thought southerners were crazy drivers in the snow).  Every opportunity she had, she would pray with us also.  I don't think she realized how much she meant to us.  She was just doing what she loved to do and what God called her to do.  I remember her telling us about how God called her to what she is doing now.  She said no at first, but then God changed her heart.  I wonder what our experience would have been like if Ms. Louis had not been faithful.  I can't imagine those days without her.  I enjoyed the time we got with her, even though it was really only a few days each week for only two weeks.  I pray that I will be as obedient to God as I saw her model.  I pray that God will use me in someone's life like He used her in mine.  I wonder how different the world would be if we all loved with the love of God like Ms. Louis did.  Even, if we all just loved one person like that, WOW!  I believe God could change the world just like that. 

Whirlwind

On Friday, May 3, 2013 God called my sweet Grandma home to live with Him forever.  Her 79 years of life were not without trials, but she always found the blessings when others would have focused on the negative.  My Grandma as always been a huge part of my life.  When I was very little, she kept me while my parents worked or went on dates.  When I was 7 she moved in with us. We traveled together a good bit.  At first just to the coast to visit my Aunt and her family, but then also to Disney World and to California when I was in high school.  These past, almost 5 years, have been full of lunch dates.  She always had some piece of advice to give me while we were together, even if it was as simple as how to clean a television screen with a dryer sheet.  She loved my children and husband also.  In fact, I am pretty sure she might have loved my husband more than me.   She loved spoiling my children and made sure that anytime they were at the house, they had something to take home with them, even if it was a small snack.  She loved knowing everything that was going on with our family.  She enjoyed knowing my friends and what was going on with them as well.

On Sunday, April 7, 2013 my sweet Grandma was admitted into the hospital.  Little did any of know the road that was ahead and the limited amount of time we still had here on earth with my Grandma. At this point the doctors informed us of a massive tumor growing form her ribs, pressing on her lungs.  They also told us of the same cancer being found in her brain.  This type of cancer (neuro endocrine) was aggressive and fast growing.  They told us that usually patients with this cancer had 4-6 months to live.  However, God gave us some sweet memories during this time in the hospital.

On Friday, April 19, 2013 we brought my sweet Grandma home.  She was nervous but full of joy knowing we had spent so much time getting things ready for her.  The next week would be busy with radiation and physical therapy every day.  Again God was gracious and gave us what we needed, when we needed it to be there for her, as well as some precious memories.

On Tuesday, April 30, 2013 my mom and aunt met with my Grandma's oncologist and were told that the cancer was growing faster than expected and was found in more places.  He told them as gently as possible that she probably had another month, possibly a few weeks.   That night we had a sweet little birthday party for my princess.  We had not had a family party yet because of everything else going on.  However, things had settled down a bit and we had gotten into enough of a routine that we figured it was time to make this happen.  Grandma had so much fun.  She propped up the hospital bed in the front room (which she never used) so that my princess could be "Queen for the night".  We had the best time!

On Wednesday, May 1, 2013 it became very obvious to all of us that she was not going to radiation.  So, we helped make her comfortable and called hospice. 

On Thursday, May 2, 2013  a hospice nurse and aid came and made my Grandma pretty.  They also were very honest with us and said my sweet  grandma might not make it through the weekend.  Grandma was less aware of what was going on and by the end of the day was mostly asleep the whole time.  While in and out of sleep she talked some, saying things like, "It is marvelous!" and "You aren't going to believe it!" and "It's amazing!".  When we asked her to tell us what she was seeing she told us about a big angel.  She also said there was lots of ice cream!  I personally have no doubt in my mind that God was giving her glimpses of heaven.

On Friday, May 3, 2013 we woke up as normal and went straight to check on Grandma.  Pretty soon we realized that we were not going to be able to wake her and get her to respond.  The next few hours to be honest were somewhat a blur.  I know that I spent this time helping my mom getting things done for church.  Then the hospice nurse came and confirmed that she was in a coma light state and that we should go ahead and call family to see her.  My uncles were in town at this point and so we called them to come over and put my other aunt on speaker phone.  Our precious senior adult pastor from our church also came over.  Around 11:45 am, he came and gathered everyone to come back into her room.  I have never been with someone when they went to be with Jesus, but I knew I wanted to be there with her.  I was a little nervous, but so thankful to be there.  As I entered the room I realized that her breathing had changed.  No longer was she struggling to breathe, but breathing short soft breathes.  My mom told my grandma that we were all there and it was okay.  My grandma opened her eyes for a minute and then closed them.  She knew we were there.  She knew we loved her and she knew it was time to be with the love of her life, Jesus.  Not long after that, her heart simply slowed down until it stopped.  There was no gasping for breathe or struggle of any sort.  She peacefully entered the presence of her Savior!

On Monday, May 6, 2013 we had a family time of visitation.  This was the first time I had seen her body since the Friday before.  She was so beautiful in her turquoise dress.  Her hair was fixed so wonderfully and her make up looked amazing.  However, she wasn't there.  As I looked at that beautiful body, I realized she was wasn't there.  She was forever praising her Savior!  So many people came that night to public visitation.  Some were people that knew my grandma when she was younger, and some were sweet ladies who knew my grandma these past few years.  All talked about what a blessing she was to them.

On Tuesday, May 7, 2013, exactly one month from her entering the hospital, we celebrated the life of my Grandma during a sweet service and then took her body to be buried. 

This past month has been a whirlwind.  A whirlwind that changed me forever.  I have memories that I will hold on to forever and I believe that God taught me some amazing things about His love for His love during this time.  He made me stronger.  He grew me.  He also blessed me tremendously.  During a time that most would be desperate and without hope, I have found myself filled with peace and a hope of eternity with Christ that is even stronger.  I have found myself being thankful for things that most would be angry about.  I have found myself being more aware of how amazing God's love s for us. 

I am thankful for my Grandma, Merna Mae Morris Morphew, and the impact she had on my life.  I am thankful that one day I will be with her again and we will worship our Savior together!

10 Years

This week I have been overwhelmed with thoughts of my life 10 years ago.  I know that sounds funny, but once you read more you will understand.  See, 10 years ago, about this time of year, I was just a few weeks pregnant with my first child.  I was clueless to how much my life was really going to change, but I knew there was change coming.  I was in my first semester of classes at new school, in a new city, surrounded by new everything! Life really felt hard to say the least.  At age 21, I was having to make some big decisions.  See, we had just moved so that my husband (we had only been married a few months) could go to school.  I was not about to let him quit.  After all, God called him to be the provider for our family and that provision including some more years in school.  So, I made one of the toughest decisions I had ever had to make up until that point in my life.  I took a break.  A break from what you might ask?  A break from my plan.  My plan to finish college and start the job I had always wanted, teaching school.  I had to submit to a new plan, God's plan, for my life, which included not finishing my degree.  This decision wasn't made easily, and was met with great controversy.  Everyone had their own opinion of what I should do.  Only problem was, they weren't me and if I listened to them, I would be disobedient to God, the only person that really matters.  After my spring semester I did just that...took a break from my plan and began to learn what it looked like to embrace God's plan completely.  This was was not easy for me, but I am so glad I did it! 

Now here I sit 10 years later....being so thankful that 10 years ago I took a break.  God has taught me so much over the past 10 years.  I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I had not submitted.  I still struggle sometimes with with calling on my life to be full time mom and wife, but God is continue to grow me into what He has called me to be.  He has also given an incredible opportunity to go back to school.  If I had fought 10 years ago and stayed in school, I would be done now, with a job, and tons of student loans!  Now, here I am finishing my degree and will finish with NO LOANS!!  God is so good! 

New Year....New Blog

So, what do you do when you are sick and the new year hits!  Well, since I have no energy to do anything, but wanted to feel productive....here is what I did.....

I started a new blog!!!  That's right!!  Check it out!!

MY NEW BLOG!